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9 Deaths Of The Ninja

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Say hello to 2018, Mondo-style, as we celebrate the NINJA NEW YEAR by featuring a month’s-worth of hilariously messy martial arts flicks that will really give you a kick!
“The Ninja Master … is now the Ninja Avenger!” Martial arts superstar Sho Kosugi (Enter the Ninja) is lollipop-loving U.S. secret agent/ninja Spike Shinobi, who takes his gun-toting dimwit sidekick Steve Gordon (Brent Huff, The Perils of Gwendoline), and tough female commando Jennifer Barnes (Emilia Crow, Hollywood Vice Squad), to the Philippines in order to rescue a busload of American tourists who have been kidnapped by deranged German terrorist Alby the Cruel and his partner in crime, the sadistic Col. Honey Hump, as part of an evil scheme to force the U.S. government to release a deadly political prisoner with plans to conquer the world … but who really cares about the plot?
9 Deaths of the Ninja is an absolutely hilarious, bat-crap crazy explosion of wacky action and cinematic insanity – a James Bond rip-off (complete with a Bond-ian opening credits sequence featuring leotard-clad dancers, fog machines and a shrieking theme song called “Take Me High”) that somehow manages to incorporate ninjas, martial arts battles, an indestructible giant, inept terrorists, a squadron of kung-fu little people dressed like The Blues Brothers, killer hookers, dumb soldiers, random explosions, lame comedy, death by polo match, and a wheelchair-bound Nazi with a pet monkey. All of which begs the question: did this movie really happen, or did we all just dream it? This is clearly what entertainment is all about. (Dir. by Emmett Alston, 1985, USA, 94 mins., Rated R)

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